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July 11th, 2010  Dear MeiGui;
I think my co-worker is falling in love with me, and I don’t know how to let her down gently. It’s not that she’s coyote ugly; in fact she’s a wicked natural blonde fox. The problem is I’m just not into her.
I came to Taiwan to find a local hottie, not a chick from my hometown. My co-worker is a stereotypical Pittsburg U sorority girl with the whole perky-attitude-towards-life thing going on.
So now, every time she comes bouncing into my classroom “to chat”, the kids and the other Chinese staff jump to the conclusion that we’ve got something going on together. But of course we don’t. Her perkiness is seriously limiting my chances to score at work.
I’m really trying not to be rude to this chick, but subtly doesn’t seem to work on her. What should I do?
– Losing It
Dear Losing It;
So you actually could have scored with perky blonde sorority girls during “Rush Week” at Pittsburg U, if you had so chosen?
– The lies we tell ourselves, MeiGui.
Originally published on the Foreign Community Page of The China Post, 12/14/8
June 18th, 2010 
Dear MeiGui;
My girlfriend is insanely superstitious, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I have been working as an English teacher for the last few months, but my actual education is in finance. I came to Taiwan looking for a break, and financial crisis and all – I found one. One of the perks of my new job is a beautiful Western style apartment. It has a full living room with pile carpeting; a gorgeous dining room; and a bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling. It is the definition of luxury. However, my girlfriend refuses to spend the night.
She says the mirrors on the ceiling will allow ghosts to enter our lives as we sleep. I just can’t reason with her.
How do I get her to calm down?
– Living Large
Dear Living Large;
She should heed the advice of my dear old Aunt Margie: “Forget the dead; it’s the living ones you need to worry about.”
– Keep that salt shaker handy, MeiGui
Originally published on the Foreign Community page of The China Post, Dec 08
April 18th, 2010  Dear MeiGui;
Working as an English teacher for me isn’t that bad. The kids are all really cute, and so are my co-teachers. Plus, I work in a private elementary school, which offers an awesome salary along with three months of paid vacation every year. Between the students, the chicks, the money, and the fun, you’d think I’d be the happiest guy on the planet – yet still I’m dissatisfied.
I feel my potential is not being challenged. I wasn’t born to be an English teacher in a foreign country; I was born to be a witty short story writer and novelist. I worry I’m missing my true calling by passing my days here in Taiwan.
If you were me, what would you do? Go back to Seattle to give writing another shot or continue on in an inadequate job.
– Dissatisfied
Dear Dissatisfied;
And I wasn’t born to answer the questions of the self-deluded; yet here I am. I have more questions than answers for you: Why can’t you write in Taiwan?What happened to the writing-thing in Seattle?
Maybe it’s best that I borrow a passage from one who was truly a great novelist: “And you claim you want to be a writer, too. You’re only a (English teacher). An expatriated (English teacher). You ought to be ironical the minute you get out of bed.” — The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway.
– By the way, is your school hiring?
MeiGui
First published 12/21/o8 in The China Post Foreign Community Section.
See Rosanne’s site: <a href=”http://www.rosannelin.com”>www.rosannelin.com</a>
March 15th, 2010  Dear MeiGui:
That old movie “In Praise of Older Women” is forever a hit with me. Back in Minnesota, I had my fair share of fiercesome romps with the cougar-set; but after landing in Taiwan to teach English; and being besieged by so many local young hotties; I put the older-woman thing on the back shelf and forgot about it. Well, that was until recently.
So why did I go back out on the cougar hunt? Well, here’s the thing. Initially, those petite little girls with their “Hello Kitty” handbags and Pikachu T-shirts are quite adorable; but at some point all that cutesie-ness becomes too sweet — kind of like trying to drink too many cherry cola floats in a row. Who can handle that much sugar?
Anyway, I decided to target this forty-plus-plus spicy female colleague of mine. It seemed to be the usual cougar piece of cake. I barely finished throwing a few sparse compliments her way before she was treating me to dinner at a very nice high-end European restaurant in Taipei. It was all going so well until I got back to her place.
Here’s what happened. She told me to take a seat in her living room while she slipped into something more comfortable – very standard I know. I couldn’t wait to see my Taiwan cougar come strutting out in the latest red lacy “Passion” fashion outfit. The build up was mind – and other body parts — blowing.
However, to my horror, my aging wild thing burst into the living room attired in “Hello Kitty” pajamas while clutching a stuffed Pikachu doll. Next thing I know, she’s telling me that she is a good girl who never drinks or kisses boys on the first date.
Worst of all, when I tried to run, she blocked the door and started screaming that I was a “bad” man.
What the heck happened here? I am afraid to go back to work.
— Cougar Hunter
Dear Cougar Hunter;
How many sick days do you have left? Maybe it’s time to take a long vacation.
– Something things don’t cross cultures, MeiGui
Check out Dear MeiGui’s website: rosannelin.com
March 5th, 2010  Dear MeiGui;
Let me tell you; family law in Taiwan is chaotic. I am a 48-year-old, married to a mainland China wife man from PingTung, and not only do I get no respect from my wife, but I also get no respect from the law.
Every night, my wife scolds me because my friends and I drink Kaoliang together after we park our taxis. She thinks I should work more so that I can help her pay the rent and buy food. Can you believe it?
It is too tiring to drive a taxi in Taipei for more than seven or eight hours a day. Last month, my wife nagged me and nagged me until I lost control and smashed up the living room furniture; then she called the police. What kind of wife does this?
Then, the police came to my house and told my wife she should divorce me. In fact, after they talked with her, she signed the paper to arrange a divorce and mailed it to the court. I had to wait a whole month before she finally calmed down and started to think clearly.
Anyway, she apologized to me, so I decided not to leave her. However, when we went to the court to tell the judge we settled our problem, he scolded us. He said our arguments wasted both his time and the policemen’s time. What nonsense talk is this?
My wife and I argue because of money problems, so that judge should try to help us; not scold us. I told the judge if the government gives us 10,000 dollars a month, we will never argue again; but he refused to help. Anyway, I was so angry I went home and argued with my wife again. What kind of family law is this?
— Please Translate
Dear Please Translate:
I am rendered speechless – a feat rarely realized.
— They eat welfare in Canada, MeiGui
Dear MeiGui:
I am a lover not a fighter. Fights for me usually involve confusing dialogue and a woman; not a gang of young local guys with bats. However, last Saturday night that was precisely how the evening ended for me at a watering-hole near my flat in SanChong.
Although no expert on Taiwan bar culture, I think that chatting up honeys is standard anywhere in the world.
However, as soon as I started talking with one of the babes at the bar, I was jumped and practically beaten to death by a large group of guys.
I am now currently residing in a Taipei City hospital and still don’t understand what happened. What should I do?
— Scarred for Life
Dear Scarred for Life:
Leave the country.
— Be happy Spin closed, MeiGui
Visit MeiGui’s site at rosannelin.com
February 17th, 2010 Dear MeiGui,
What’s with all this Christmas holiday hypocrisy? I’m really fed up!
I work in a kindergarten in Tienmu, and we spent the six weeks leading up to Christmas endlessly rehearsing for our school’s giant Christmas Eve performance. The owner even pressured me to come into to work on my own time to help the children practice their routines and decorate the school. She also expected me to dress up as Santa Claus, because to quote her words: “You are a fat white man just like him.” According to her, it was my responsibility to help the children celebrate Christmas since I am a foreigner. Well, it was a hell, but I took it for the kids’ sake
In the meantime, I also began to prepare for my own Christmas day festivities; I think I single-handedly bought out Costco. I was planning for a big feast at my place. But guess what? Christmas Day isn’t a holiday in Taiwan.
When I heard this, I asked my boss if I could have the day off anyway, as I had already spent a lot of money preparing for my party. I didn’t think it would be a problem, but she turned me down flat saying: “Christmas is a foreign holiday – not a Taiwan holiday. How can you expect a day-off?”
What’s wrong with her thinking? Either Christmas is a big holiday or it isn’t.
– Fuming in Tienmu
Dear Fuming;
Officially speaking, it isn’t. December 25th used to be a public holiday in Taiwan to recognize the signing of the Constitution of the Republic of China in 1947. It had nothing to do with Christmas, although many people in Taiwan had come to celebrate the day as Christmas. Then in 2001 to cut back on the number of legal holidays, the Legislative Yuan abolished it.
There were many unsubstantiated rumors at the time that the axing of this holiday was actually pushed by DPP lawmakers who resented recognizing the constitution and foreign holidays.
Personally, Christmas and final year graduation performances are the reason I refuse to work in kindergartens. I feel your pain.
– Borrowed culture has its limits, MeiGui
Originally published in the hard copy version only of The China Post, 12/29/08
February 17th, 2010  Dear MeiGui;
I want to sound a warning bell for all those mid-level students of Chinese: Be careful of what you don’t understand.
I’ve been here studying Chinese for two years, and as most students know getting the language does not happen in a steady upward curve. But lately, I’ve been on a high. I work part-time in a children’s English school, and am using Chinese more regularly to talk with my co-teachers; so last week some of the girls asked me out to a local club. They wanted me to put my progress to the test.
While we were there, we met a couple of cute 20-something year old guys. The girls were hesitant to talk with them, so I took the direct Western approach and asked the guys to sit down for a drink. Then I started to practice.
What I took away from the conversation was that they were car salesmen who worked at a Toyota dealership. Still, I was unclear about some things. For example, one of the guys told me that his very expensive designer bag was a gift from a satisfied customer. I thought this was very odd. Why do people in Taiwan give car salesmen extravagant gifts after buying a car?
The next night, the one with the expensive bag called me and asked me out. We met at a coffee shop near his house that had a quite nice chicken curry special on. I was naturally surprised when the attendant came over to refill our water glasses – not only because he wanted to refill the water glasses but also because he asked me a very strange question. He asked me if I enjoyed the “chicken man”.
When we got the bill, my date was unhappy that I expected him to pay for his dinner, but still invited me back to his house. When we got to his house, he asked me to settle on a price. I didn’t understand his meaning, so I left. On the bus ride home, I realized my wallet was 2000 dollars lighter.
Did he steal my money? Should I call the police?
– Not Getting It
Dear Not Getting It;
Do you realize what the homonym for “chicken” in Chinese is?
– David Lee Roth lives, MeiGui
(Originally published in hard copy of The China Post, 12/6/08)
Read MeiGui’s blog: <a href=http://www.rosannelin.com>rosannelin.com</a>
December 12th, 2009  Dear MeiGui;
Not only are my local colleagues making my experience as an English school teacher a misery, but so are the other foreign teachers. I’ve only been here for three months, and already want to go back to Vancouver.
It all started at a “getting-to-know-you” party in October. I told some of the other teachers about the time I posed in a men’s magazine during university. My co-teachers were pretty curious, and begged me to bring some pictures into work; which I foolishly did.
Since then, everyone’s been looking down their noses at me – especially the foreign guys. They say exposing my nude pictures to staff members has upset the local girls’ cultural sensibilities, and that I should’ve kept this information private. So now everybody’s ignoring me.
Then a few days ago, one of the local girls brought in photos of herself that she had professionally shot for the cost of 50,000 Taiwan dollars. She openly showed all the teachers pictures of herself in the nude; and was quite proud may I add.
I don’t get it. What’s the difference between her snaps and mine?
– Revealed in Pingdong
Dear Revealed;
The difference, beyond certain proportions, is that you were paid and she wasn’t; and you probably actually resemble your photos in real life.
That said; it is a common practice for local girls to have these “remembrance of youth” photo albums done. Then when they become an “o-ba-sung” – middle-aged married mother – they can use the album to remember their youthful beauty.
– Size does matter, MeiGui
November 17th, 2009 Dear MeiGui;
My girlfriend continuously insists on me buying her presents. We work at the same company in HsinChu and started dating last January. Since then, she has found every excuse in the book to demand I buy her gifts. She has expected that I give her gifts on Western Valentine’s Day, Lunar Lovers Day, Dragon Boat Festival; and during Chinese New Year, she expected something new every day.
But the topper has been Christmas. She wouldn’t stop singing that ridiculous Christmas carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas” for the entire month of December. Let me tell you, I’m not even a Christian. My family originally came from Calcutta, and they are devote Hindus.
Now with New Year’s Eve only a few days away, my credit card and I are living in fear. What to do? Do banks give short-term loans to foreigner workers in Taiwan?
– Going Bankrupt in HsinChu
Dear Going Bankrupt;
I thought everything in HsinChu had to do with computers. What type of business does your company do? There aren’t scantily clad girls walking through the halls with trays of drinks, are there?
Chuck this chick before your credit card company chucks you.
– Material worlds create material girls, MeiGui
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