CONCLUSION of The ‘Hole’ Story: My Two Months of Hell in the Taipei Detention Center
I was dreading the moment, saying goodbye to N–. I hate goodbyes and I always, always cry. I hate, hate, hate goodbyes. How could I say goodbye to N–? I love him so much, what will I do without him? Goddamn it. I was free and now I had to climb onto my plane without my best friend and love. I promised myself I would not cry…
They drove me to the airport, and I walked towards the gates chatting, laughing with my arresting officer. He didn’t put cuffs on my wrists, and he was even carrying one of my bags, joking, encouraging me all the way — a wonderful person. I was lucky to have him as an escorting authority. Other women were always cuffed and released inside the plane.
My story was different. I had absolutely no humiliation at the airport, only help. Then I saw him, N–. He was waiting for me. Yeah, well use your imagination…! We hugged and kissed and I STILL CRIED at the end… yeah, I’m a crier. We walked together, hugging and talking as long as he could go with me. My arresting officer was laughing, leaving us “alone time” before I go. “NO goodbyes,” he said, “only ‘later’… see you soon… Love you,” and kiss kiss kisssss…!
So I looked one more last time at N– and then I left Taiwan.
I was excited, everything is so great when you’re free. Everything has greater value, all the little things we often don’t notice or take for granted. I am definitely a different person after everything that’s happened, a better person because of it. I have more respect and love for life, I’m stronger, more patient, and I overcome bad days easier, just with one thought, of how much it really sucked not being free.
When you’re free and healthy you can overcome anything.
My message is: Don’t ever give up, don’t lose hope, don’t stress over silly things, and don’t see the worst-case scenario. I used to do that. Now, I see things differently; not always, I’m flawed and negative sometimes, but I am changed. I love life, I love my freedom, and I don’t need more than I already have. I am grateful. In the end it’s all good, it must be. I believe in good, I believe things heal and get better, I believe in many things, I believe that some people are good, not all of them are bad, no matter what nationality, race or religion they are.
I believe things can change in the world, laws can change, all people will have the same human rights, justice. I believe I can help at least one person by sharing my story. I believe what’s mine will come. Maybe being in Sanxia was hell, but it made me a better person, it made me wake up and see and feel al the things I couldn’t before. Things that happened to me were unfair, but I’m fine now.
Will I complain? No. I was lucky. Do I hate Taiwanese laws? Yes. I think Taiwanese police and prosecutors are a bunch of liars, lazy asses, greedy for money, petty people who don’t have the guts to go after the real criminals, but torture innocent people just because they want to feel powerful. That’s what I think. It’s sad, but it’s true.
People should know or prepare themselves for the things that may happen to them before going home. It’s not so tragic and I don’t want to sound all “poor me” and all, but it is a degrading, hard and slow process that kills your spirit in a way and changes who you are for a while. It took me almost two months to feel fresh and happy after I was released, but I had awesome support from my mom, family and friends.
What worries me is that there are some people who are not fine, not as lucky as I was, not capable to withstand all the stress; they’re sicker, more alone, left broke, forgotten by the authorities. I hope laws change in the future in Taiwan. I must believe they will, because I’m a believer.
Love and thanks to ALL people who helped me through my hard time and stayed by my side. I carry you in my heart and my mind every day. Thanks Trista for sharing the story and helping others who could possibly be in a same boat as I was, and bringing little more awareness to the people in Taiwan.
Next: Why I overstayed so long in Taiwan