When you go to the polls on Tuesday, Iowa,
don’t just vote for any stranger,
vote for me
i’m not on the ballot
but i am the ONLY CANDIDATE
who will actually do the job RIGHT.
The rest are all sellouts and liars
except maybe Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul.
Amnesty; you will have it,
all except public officials.
PEACE, you will have it;
My administration will not invade, conspire to invade,
or attack ANY OTHER COUNTRY.
In fact, we’ll reinstate democratically elected Aristide in Haiti,
and pay reparations to Afghanistan and Iraq.
We’ll make the military fungible;
redeploy them as engineers, emergency aid,
— not military training.
No bombs should be produced or sold,
at home and abroad;
We’ll work to defuse the need for the world’s stockpiles.
We’ll have health care modeled on Canada;
Education that’s as free and public as Sweden
And a quality that’s better than Oxford.
Education will educate;
with widespread language study
and domestic or international service,
expand work abroad options.
For ENERGY we’ll switch
to progressive state-of-the-art techniques
in renewable and auto-generated ENERGY;
Who knows, the U.S. could become an alternative energy SUPPLIER.
Clean up nutritional standards, reward and encourage agricultural innovation;
sack or censure the FDA, FEMA, FCC, for starters.
We can clean up FACTORY STANDARDS
with ZERO POLLUTION, at least as an objective;
This will in turn clean up our ENVIRONMENT
so we can one day DRINK OUT OF THE TAP AGAIN, safely.
Give prizes and financial support to inventions that carry out OUR goals;
I will FIX the ELECTIONS,
not in the sense of RIGGING as is currently de rigeur;
but FIX the ELECTIONS so they actually WORK.
I will sign and sponsor the best legislation of any president;
any peace treaty that comes my way;
feed the sick and the poor;
that’s what our country’s for.
Love Your Country,
Vote For Me.
NB: The list of new and exciting APPOINTMENTS
will be impressive and many;
JOIN HANDS AND VOTE FOR ME, IOWA!