I got in a fight at the flower market

Who woulda thunk... the fit would hit the shan at a flower market. WTF!???!! Photo: The Wild East
By Joe Gui / Culture Shock, at The Wild East

I got in a fight last weekend at the Jianguo Flower Market in Taipei; well, I guess it was more of a scuffle.

It was about 6:30am and I was cycling through the Jinguo Flower Market, the largest market of its kind in Taiwan. If you’ve got a green thumb, you’re gonna want a piece of this action. This place has an amazing selection of fruit trees, houseplants and flowers — all kinds of great stuff. Everyone should go check it out some weekend.

So I saw some snake gourd seeds and had to have them — they would be a gift for my Aboriginal friends in the mountains. At first I thought they were too expensive at 20nt/bag, but then saw it was 3 bags for 50nt — which is about US$1.50.

Unfortunately, the stall owner hadn’t yet arrived for some reason. So I put 100nt in the rack and took 5 bags (not even 6).

A Taiwanese middle-aged guy walked up to me and when I told him what I was doing, he said “no way” could I do that — ‘ 不行啦’, bùxíng-la!!

I said, “What do you mean, ‘no way’? They’re your neighbor, why don’t you help them sell stuff? You could give them the money, or just tell them that the money’s right there.”

“Bùxíng la!” He said, and was so obnoxious about the whole thing — like he owned the place — that I purposefully placed the money in the now-empty rack space as I collected my seeds.

He tried to force me to put the seeds back, and then to take them away from me. I refused to give them up or take back the money. Then he grabbed my bike when I tried to leave the place.

I told him I was gonna punch him in the face if he didn’t let go of my bicycle, and kept trying to wrest it free from him and leave the place. He refused to let go.

I didn’t pop him in the kisser. Instead I hit his hands on my handlebars, several times, as hard as I could.

But still he refused to let me go.

“This is my property, let go!” I shouted. The other vendors were just watching all this kerfuffle, saying and doing nothing.

Another Taiwanese middle-aged blowhard came over, a neighboring stall owner perhaps, who was drawn to participate in all the commotion.

He also told me, ““Bùxíng la!” No way can you do that, pay for the seeds and leave! Impossible, those are not the rules around here!

Why not? Everybody here knows I bought them! I felt I was in an eerily Kafkaesque situation.

Finally, winding up yelling at both of them, ‘Zhe shi bu shi nide shi’ –This is none of your business “這是不是你的事!”). Also, Leave me alone, I already paid for this, Let go of my bike, etc.

The first blowhard said to call the cops. I said, “Go ahead, call the cops,” and continued pulling away. By now, I’d hit his hands about 15-20 times. He finally let go, and I managed to ride away.

“Go fuck yourselves!” was my parting shot. Most likely they could understand that English expression. It was a hollow victory, however, since I was reeling with the shock of dealing with these nazi zombies.

In hindsight, it was amazing they’d go all Singapore on my ass over some bags of seeds. Sometimes I wonder if Taiwan’s going to hell in a handbasket. All these officious people who just follow all the rules. Even if the trains run on time, bureaucratically, at least, it’s getting to be a nightmare.

Plus, my hand was all swollen and purple for about a week — my only souvenir from my hell-like visit to the Jianguo Flower Market in Taipei — that and some luffa seeds that fortunately someone wanted in the end.

And, it was kind of funny, that in my haste to get away most of the bags were of the wrong kind of seeds. They were mostly luffa, which just gives you diarrhea. Well at least that is what my priest friend told me.

The End.

6 thoughts on “I got in a fight at the flower market

  • October 13, 2014 at 4:38 am

    “Sometimes I wonder if Taiwan’s going to hell in a handbasket.”
    Reading what you thought was appropriate, I would advise you to expand it to the world!

    My understanding of Chinese culture is limited, but I felt offended just reading this! All of the other stall salesmen told you it doesn’t work that way, yet you physically fought your way out of a situation you created.

  • September 27, 2013 at 2:51 am

    Pretty much have to agree with the previous comments.
    Dude, you acted like a prick.

    Do the right thing – Go back, bring a cake/cookies/small gift and apologize to the other shop owners.

    Then, buy the RIGHT seeds from the original shop.

    Stupid selfish things like this reflect very badly on ALL foreigners here on Taiwan.

    Be a man!….(Russell Peters quote)

  • September 13, 2013 at 3:56 am

    the only “nazi” is you, roaming around Taiwan doing whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want. the only thing wrong with Taiwan is the level of character some foreigners have in Taiwan. Go back to your hippy commune in Seattle or Oregon or wherever your from. and take all the rest of the lousy mooches with you!!

  • September 6, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    You behaved like an arrogant prick, what kind of reaction did you expect? You’re lucky that the guy was so friendly and only warned you verbally. If you pulled off something like that in the Balkans where I come from, you would not be leaving with an arrogant “Go fuck yourselves,” but with a bruised face and broken ribs. People like you cast a bad light on all foreigners in Taiwan, you should be ashamed of yourself.

  • September 6, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Those guys are in that business since long years. They have their rules. You may not like it, but, you should obey if you have the slightest idea of cultural respect.

  • September 6, 2013 at 6:43 am

    “這是不是你的事!” is actually a question not a statement so no wonder they were confused. You should also have waited for the owner to arrive, the fact they you were unable to say what you meant correctly in Chinese and the fact that you took the wrong seeds indicates your Chinese abilities may not be so hot ~ are you sure you got the pricing right?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *